My little girl feet were prancing me home after an uneventful school day. The bright yellow dandelions were no longer to be seen in the changing season. They had changed, all of them. And now the three-inch stalks swayed their round fluffy headed tops in the brisk breeze. All the flowers, the weeds were flowers in my mind, had all gone to seed.
I loved the way they all swayed back and forth like a crowd of people moving as one to a distant melody.
Every day I picked one.
Every day I made a wish and blew the seeds off the stalk, watching as they swirled high into the sky.
And every day I was absolutely certain these seeds carried my wish to heaven where it WOULD be fulfilled.
In those days there was only one desire in my heart, well maybe two but this one trumped the other 9 out of 10 times. I longed to be a professional ballerina.
Holding the tender stalk my eyes would close and a deep breath would be drawn. Holding that breath it felt very important to WISH WITH ALL MY MIGHT. Then blow strong and clear so the seeds would have umph and fly to the lofty destination-heaven.
It was a transaction of sorts. Without even realizing it I was living out a few beliefs that led me to action. First was the belief that desires can come true. Second was that my putting all my attention and intention into it, made a difference. And third, that some ineffable Source cared about the dream and would be the way it was ultimately fulfilled. Wow!!!
I was already taking ballet. In fact I had been in class for 3 years already, from the age of 4. My best friend there had started at the same age as me and her name was Kim as well. We really worked hard. Our teacher was fairly well known, she had trained others for professional ballet for years. I think she was Austrian. Her thick accent, stocky posture and wood cane created an intimidating presence but I loved her and the way she pushed us. Her cane would tap the floor in perfect time as we drilled the motions that would lead us to become capable of the dance.
It was no wonder my wishes revolved around the fruition of all this discipline and the dream of that dance.
Eventually a pivotal day arrived. I was 9 years old, as was Kim. We had been with this teacher for 5 years now and one fateful Saturday afternoon she asked the two of us to stay after to talk with her.
She was straightforward and went right for her point. We were invited to enter the school of the arts to study towards joining the Cincinnati ballet.
My dream was coming true!
Kim’s parents quickly enrolled her in the school.
They decided to keep me in regular school.
And I was content.
So easily contented!
After thousands of dandelion seeds has been blown to heaven for my dream to come true peace pervaded my soul.
My parents have always supported us in our dreams. With unwavering enthusiasm and devotion they stand and have stood behind us. So their choice was not an imposition against the invitation.
They truly thought I would be sad to be taken out of school. Back then you had to leave the normal structures to give all your attention to the art. The regular schooling was targeted to cover the basics.
They were right, my parents were right. I LOVED school, every ounce of it.
I do not remember how it all played out other than my inner ease of letting go the dream to be a ballerina.
Today there is a dream before me that I have no idea how it can be fulfilled. It arises inside me without any idea of how it can come to be. In light of this dream and desire the ballerina memory I share with you now came back to me.
The memory carries a message of hope to me that I wish to share with you.
I was actually in the bathroom when the insight came.
The memory bubbled up after so many years banked away, and to my surprise I could FEEL that my dream from then had been fulfilled.
How so? It doesn’t make any sense does it!
Let me share with you for the feeling isn’t coming from a rationalization to give comfort it comes from a realization.
As the memory surfaced and the feeling that the dream had been fulfilled arose I realized that to be a ballerina is to be GRACE IN MOTION.
That was what I had wanted deep down 43 years ago.
That was the essence of it.
And now this many years later I find my life path caught up in the task of embodying Spirit more in life and helping others to do this as well.
Transaction operates on one of the principles in this world called cause and effect. So I got to thinking about it.
There are so many types of transactions in life.
To have worked hard and trained hard to become a ballerina, then to actually become one, is one sort of transaction.
I like to think of it this way.
A desire arises for a cup of coffee from a nearby coffee shop. You decide to go for it. So you get up, walk down the street, place your order, give them money (or your account card to stock up points,) and they give you a cup of your favorite coffee concoction.
The desire arose, causing a response. The response caused the effect of acting on it and the acting on it brought about the cause of it being made for you giving you the effect of enjoying it.
Now I could play out that cause and effect dance in so many ways even with a cup of coffee. Our heads could get spinning on where the cause really is and where the effect really is…it is simple and yet sophisticated at the same time.
And this is just with a simple cup of coffee. What is it like when it comes to the deep soul desires that are part of ‘who we are,’ in this lifetime?
My ballerina story shows me an important layer. When it comes to these types of desires the ‘essence’ of the desire is an important part of its fulfillment, if not THEY most important part, but I will leave you to wrestle with that one. I didn’t realize my hunger as a little child blowing dandelion seeds up into the air for being a ballerina was really about being GRACE IN MOTION. One sign was my contentment when the time came for me to enter the school of the arts. If it had been about the ‘ballerina’ part my soul would have had more discontent. But something else was going on here…
The takeaway I wish to share is fairly simple.
Can you think of a deep desire you have had, and how you put form around it only to find what you longed for was what the form represented and maybe not the form at all? What is/was the story around that?
How can connecting with the essence of the desire be helpful?
For me it has created a boundless feeling around my being a ballerina. I am one in some sort of that word and in a much more fulfilling way because I get to bring that quality into all I do, and learn how to do it in new situations and in new ways.
Transactional action can take us into this level of heart…where the cause and effect will have such lasting value. Here we dance in the realm of possibility!