Just the other day I woke up unsettled. There are days this happens. Sometimes it is prompted through world events, or a happening in my life, sometimes the origin is purely from something internal, and of course most often it is a mixture from within and without. 

This cappuccino seems to show unsettledness quite well, the beauty, the movement and the unpredictability in form.

The unsettledness was so strong, I felt immersed in a state of everything being in flux, of nothing being solid. But it did not take me to a place of contentment as it oftentimes does. The unsettledness triggered a feeling that there was nowhere to truly rest, like in the experience that God will be all in all, or that the universe is pulsing Source and in process that will full awaken. It was the kind of unsettledness that felt very different, like all creation is changing in a way that feels unsafe. Or is leading to a chaos that will be destructive in a big way, a way that will not move into new life.

Where to go? What to do? Where to land? All the land disappeared within me. It felt a bit like existential abyss and a discomfort with being a soul in a body in the moment.

All these thoughts arose, not as a response to the unsettledness but more to the resistance I felt. I wanted to get away from feeling unsettled. A part of me wanted to experience that the unsettledness itself along with me, was within the embrace of the Divine

So I went right into the heart of unsettledness, and I stayed there uncomfortably attentive. It was not long after I began to feel like I was a wave in this ocean of movement and energy. The particle aspect of me that wanted some kind of rest, found rest in the very movement that had a quality of unsettledness. 

Was it the particle aspect within me? What aspect of me was able to feel rest in unrest? It did not become more comfortable being the wave. 

I noticed that I was uncomfortable because I am used to experiencing insight when I release into the unknown, a nonverbal grasp. Insight did not arise and comfort did not take over, but rest was undeniably there. 

As an observer in writing this, I would say that the quality of rest taking place by going into the unsettledness was in part an experience of forward movement in my own journey as a human being. Incredibly mysterious. 

I do not know what the unsettledness had to do with directly, because I often feel the cosmos as being in flux, this is a normal reality for me, and is multi-dimensional. In the inability to get to the point of what the unsettledness is, I don’t feel powerless. 

Coming to a new day there is a juicy reflection for me that perhaps will inspire you as well. I noticed that oftentimes when I rest in uncertainty, consolation comes in the form of insight, or seeing the big picture, or understanding why something is happening or even in the unknowing but knowing that it is all unfolding in grace. 

But insight doesn’t always happen, and what do we do then? Do we push to find insight to enjoy that kind of rest? Or can we simply rest in the unsettled state, trusting that we will not fall into an abyss that is destructive. 

It would be a little controlling to let go for the sake of obtaining rest, rather we must let go as a form of rest. 

If we look at this superficially all sorts of ‘buts,’ can come up. But what am I supposed to do? But what if everything falls to pot, am I being apathetic? But how about the big picture and the ensuing chaos that is happening, what about that?

The reflection, as I take it further, is not about action or inaction. ‘What to do?’ Is not quite the question for forward movement. Perhaps the more effective questions is ‘How do I release into the unsettledness? What practice can take me there in light of or spite of my limited thoughts and emotions fueled by fear?

At the core it seems to be it is about going into the heart of what we are experiencing, and doing so without judgment or attempted control. It is the invitation to conduct ourselves with reverence and attentiveness. And there, in the very space that may feel ‘dark,’ a subtle light is experienced. It is a light that can lead. 

Can we stay the course? Can we stay resting in unrest with a belief that this is the highest good of the moment? Can we wait with a spaciousness and expectation? Can our expectation be free from ideas of what is suppose to happen to create a happy ending? Can we become aware of the subtle light that can lead from within the darkness? And bend into the kind of guidance it offers?

Hmmmmm….we can, we certainly can. 

Are we willing?